Temper tantrums

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PREVENTING TEMPER TANTRUMS

Make sure that your child eats and sleeps at his or her usual times. If your child no longer takes a nap, it is still important to have some quiet time. Lying down for 15-20 minutes or resting with you while you read stories together at regular times of the day can help prevent tantrums.

Other methods to try to prevent tantrums include:

• Use an upbeat tone when asking your child to do something. Make it sound like an invitation, NOT an order. For example, "if you put your mittens and hat on, we'll be able to go to your play group."
• Don't battle over unimportant things like which shoes your child wears or whether he or she sits in the high-chair or booster seat. Safety is what matters, such as not touching a hot stove, keeping the car seat buckled, and not playing in the street. As the American Academy of Pediatrics experts put it, "while [your toddler or preschooler] will be saying 'no' to everything..., you should be saying 'no' only the few times a day when it is absolutely necessary."
• Offer choices whenever possible. For example, let your child pick what clothes to wear and what stories to read. A child who feels independent in many areas will be more likely to follow rules when it is a must. Do NOT offer a choice if one doesn't truly exist.

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WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If temper tantrums are getting worse and you do not think you can manage them, seek the advice of your health care provider. Also get help if you find yourself becoming angry and yelling, or if you are worried that you may react to your child's behavior with physical punishment.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you call your pediatrician or family physician if:

• Tantrums get worse after age 4
• Your child injures himself or herself or others, or destroys property during tantrums
• Your child holds his or her breath during tantrums, especially if he or she faints
• Your child also has nightmares, reversal of toilet training, headaches, stomachaches, anxiety, refuses to eat or go to bed, or clings to you

Review Date: 05/01/2011
Reviewed By: Neil K. Kaneshiro, MD, MHA, Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, University of Washington School of Medicine. Also reviewed by David Zieve, MD, MHA, Medical Director, A.D.A.M., Inc.

A.D.A.M., Inc. is accredited by URAC, also known as the American Accreditation HealthCare Commission (www.urac.org).